Thursday, December 29, 2011

Pilates Guest Post

Hope that everyone's Christmas and other holidays were awesome.

I had the very exciting honor of doing a guest post for one of my favorite bloggers, The Simple Dude.  If you like my blog, you should definitely check his out.  It is undoubtedly funnier.

The post I wrote is about being the only guy in my Pilates class back in college and my misadventures in attempting to woo one girl in particular.

Check out the post by clicking here.

-Youngman Brown

Sunday, December 25, 2011

What I Decided to Write About on Christmas

I feel obligated to begin today’s post with a warning. You might not want to read on.

I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I wouldn’t write about what I’m about to write about. It is something that affected me deeply for years, and I’m not quite sure I have ever gotten over it.

I am sure that not too many children frequent my blog, but if there happen to be any little eyes reading this… STOP RIGHT NOW. This will affect you more deeply than The Exorcist.  If you must continue reading my blog, go read my posts about Penis, Erections, or Hardcore Gay Porn (yes, feel free to click, they are harmless), JUST DON’T READ THIS.

*   *   *

I needed to talk to my mom about something important. I was eight, and among the changes I was going through were changes in my brain – changes in the way I thought about things. The world was changing around me so quickly that it was dizzying, and I needed parental guidance to get my feet planted on some kind of solid foundation.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Laundry Existence

I’m not the kind of guy that puts the extra clean sock into the drawer until its mate is found.

I’m the kind of guy that puts the extra sock back into the hamper. Through this process, the odd sock is trapped in this endless cycle of laundry, where it will be washed into eventual nothingness, I assume.

I feel bad for this poor, unwanted sock who wants only to serve his function in life by warming my feet, yet knows only the purgatory of my hamper, washer and dryer.

But that is just the way my system works.

You see, with me there is no such thing as Laundry Day.

It is more of a Laundry Existence type of scenario.

First of all, I rarely fold my clothes. Just ask any of my previous roommates, and they will all tell you the same thing. I put clothes in the washer. When they are washed, I move them to the dryer, hit the timer, and then hit “start.”

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Unintentionally Flirting With the Elderly (A "Poem")

I frightened an old Asian lady
In a crowded mall –
I witnessed her sneeze
From forty feet away.

A few seconds later, a few feet closer,
I caught her eye.
The mall was loud;
I mouthed “God bless you.”

But the sneeze was long forgotten;
Her eyes grew wide,
She quickened her pace
As she sped past me.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Ameri-bleh Recovery

Just wanted to quickly offer an apology and possible means of recovery from the state of depression that my last post might have left you in. 

This song always makes me feel better, no matter what.  Kids are awesome.  M83 is awesome.

It is important to ignore the video.  Unless you want to get motion sickness.  All it shows are clips of someone driving up a curvy, snowy mountain roads.  It was the only video I could find that features the entire song.

Although now that I have told you exactly what happens in the video and not to watch it, I'm sure you will watch it all the through, thus distracting you from the complete awesomeness of the song.

Raconte-Moi Une Histoire by M83

Wednesday, November 30, 2011


I saw an online advertisement last week, asking people to “Pledge to Shop Small." It was the first I had heard about this new “Small Business Saturday,” in which consumers are asked to ignore their primal impulse to save money, which they voraciously set free on Black Friday. Instead, they are asked to catch their breath from the previous day’s mayhem and set forth once again, all in the name of stimulating the economy.

Armed with the money that they triumphantly saved the day before, they are now expected to “take one for the American team” and spend it on stuff sold in local stores, even though it might be more expensive.

Aside from the counter-intuitive timing of it all, I get it.  It makes sense.

And I thought about doing it – or at the very least making a pledge to do it, as the advertisement asked me to.

But then I just thought, bleh.  And decided not to.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Why I Shouldn't Inspect My Food (A "Poem")

Fast food burgers
Taste very different
When the bun includes
A ketchup fingerprint.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Blood Work Makes Me Grimace

I haven’t been doing too well on the dating scene recently. A few dates, but nothing really came out of them. While the first dates seemed to go fairly well, the conversations were rudimentary, and the connections made were fleeting.

I got some action today, though.

Let me explain.

I went to the doctor earlier in the week to get a flu shot and a checkup. Since there is a history of diabetes in my family, he instructed me to get blood work done. Fine.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

How to Confuse Strangers (A "Poem")

Approach someone random,
Act panicked (not insane), say
“Excuse me!” – catch your breath,
“But what year is it?”

Jubilation or horror
Are two options;
Either way, the stranger's
Response must shock you.

Stare in awe at the sky
As you run away.
Make sure to jump back
At the first car you see.