One of my New Years resolutions was to try to be happier.
People always tell me that I am “so serious” or ask “what is wrong.” Such speculations bug me, because most of the time nothing is wrong at all and I am actually quite happy. I suppose that it is years of playing poker professionally that has forced my face into a constant serious expression, void of emotional indications of happiness. So while I am not sad or angry, I understand that the general assumption from people who don’t know me is that I am.
Friday, March 30, 2012
One of my New Years resolutions was to try to be happier.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
I often make fun of my parents for watching shows such as Numbers and The Mentalist.
They are cookie-cutter shows that simply present a problem (Think: A murder) and a solution (Solve the case, bring a bad guy to justice). Each week, this is done in a formulaic method that is dreadfully predictable and offers the viewer nothing more than a sixty-minute waste of time -- a gift-wrapped box-of-nothing, complete with a bow. The thing that I hate the most about them is that almost no plot development occurs from one episode to another.
So yea. I make fun of my parents and try to convince them to watch shows with depth and drama. Shows that leave you hanging and wanting more. Shows that don’t offer you a gift-wrapped package, but instead light it on fire. Shows that leave you heartbroken for the next 6 days and 23 hours. Anything on HBO or AMC would suffice.
Monday, March 26, 2012
At work, we are usually able to park in the customer parking garage, so long as we park on level 7 or above. However, if it is deemed to be a “high volume” day, the employees have to park in a different parking lot, two blocks away.
Last weekend was one of those times.
I parked my car and began laboring towards my place of labor, when I noticed a car suspiciously inching around the parking lot. The car idled past a few female employees as they hurried their pace. Then it sped up and approached me.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
He calls himself "The Greatest Ever."
He is anything but.
See if you can actually make it through the whole video. And understand that you have my heartfelt apology for asking you to do so:
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
It was a college graduation present. The deal was that if I got a good scholarship and kept good grades, they’d purchase me a new car by the time I graduated.
I kept my end of the bargain by choosing a school that offered me a full scholarship and then graduating Magna Cum Laude*.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
When I was younger, I sported the “bowl cut.”
It was massively popular back then, and every boy tried to pull off the look of Rider Strong from Boy Meets World.
|I am told he is dreamy.|
Eventually, I cut it significantly, opting to go for the “front-wave” look, which every other boy had already moved on to. Everything was cut short and brushed down, except for the bangs, which were gelled to stand upright, acting as a lip for my scalp.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Tonight, many of my friends were tweeting about the big story in sports: Randy Moss becoming a San Francisco 49er.
Others tweeted details about their March Madness pools, as well as their predictions about the games.
Still others tweeted about their excitement regarding Baseball Spring Training, and the news, rumors, and politics that stemmed from it.
I, however, was tweeting about the season finale of The Bachelor, and doing so at an alarmingly rapid pace:
Monday, March 12, 2012
I had a pretty bad headache at work the other day.
Being the tough man that I am, I resolved to get through my day without dealing with it.
It was the weekend, however, and the poker room was busy. I was going into overtime. And the headache got worse, as headaches do.
I needed Tylenol in a bad way.
I asked around, and none of the ladies I worked with happened to have any in their purses.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
The car itself is a powerful tool. It is this tiny capsule that takes me places. Moreover, it is a bubble that allows me to be more significant and my actions to be more substantial.
For example, giving people the finger in the car is the only time I feel as if it is really actually giving them the finger. It is saying “Hey man, fuck you,” as opposed to just giving it as a joke to one of my friends. Additionally, giving the finger is such a rare occurrence for me that if I give it to you, you can be damn sure that you are very low on the Good Driver Hierarchy.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Read Part I here
Or at least there are none that I know or could describe.
|Well, maybe one.|
Let me explain.
The only descriptors one can give another driver are those that have negative connotations.
For example, I know “Fast Drivers,” who don’t hold my safety in high regard.
I know “Slow Drivers,” who don’t think that my time is of paramount importance.
I know “Jerky Drivers,” who don’t want me to be able to sleep during the drive.
Then of course there are “Aggressive Drivers,” who tail people dangerously close, and occasionally honk, all in the name of keeping things moving.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
Both of my sisters are pregnant.
It is very exciting.
What is even more exciting is the fact that I am going to be the godfather of both of the little cherubs.
I am already an uncle to perhaps the coolest little three-year-old boy in the world, and I can't wait to meet two more awesome babies in the next two months.
My older sister, already a mother, should probably be the one giving my other sister and brother-in-law parenting advice. But I will do my part by referring them to this helpful chart of Baby Do's and Don'ts:
Friday, March 2, 2012
I have bushy eyebrows.
There. I said it.
They have been bushy my entire life. And while other people might criticize them, I kinda like em. While dirt sometimes gets into my eyes, it is a very rare occurrence.
Plus, they allow me to really accentuate myself: I furrow them when I am angry or raise them when I am cynical. And let’s be honest, cynicism and anger are the only two ways that I really express myself anyway.
The only slight problem that I run into with them is that with such long eyebrow hairs, oftentimes they run amuck on their own little paths, sticking out this way or that.
Growing up, this was actually one of my sister’s biggest pet peeves.