He calls himself "The Greatest Ever."
He is anything but.
See if you can actually make it through the whole video. And understand that you have my heartfelt apology for asking you to do so:
Where do I start?
First of all, the title of this kid's video is 6 Minute Dark Knight Rises Prologue Intro Attached to Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol in IMAX.
Just by reading the lengthy title, I have obtained the only useful information presented by the video.
After telling us how annoyed he is to be teased by such a concept, he then goes into a stream-of-consciousness-rant that brings us on a journey from Ashton Kutcher being depressed about social media to police brutality.
Perhaps my favorite part of the diatribe is when he says that Ashton Kutcher says, "Back when the cost of pooblishing was really really high, pooblishers would be very careful about what they pooblished, but now that the cost of pooblishing is really low and with social media giving the voice to pretty much everyone... well now everyone says whateverthefuck they want regardless if this is true or false." He then goes on to make some illogical argument and call Ashton a "naive, pretentious, douchebag asshole: eating up the words of other people smarter than you and then shitting them out."
This, from a kid whose YouTube "show" is based upon taking celebrity quotes and news stories and regurgitating them to us, the unwilling listeners, in a manically-paced, illogically-formulated, indecipherable vernacular.
Then he says that social media gives everyone a voice so that we no longer have to listen to the rich and powerful "gatekeepers."
Yep. Instead we get to listen to him.
Now, I understand if you weren't able to fully stay with him throughout his endless rant. It's not your fault. His accent is unfamiliar and his sentence formation is questionable. Add to that the fact that there is a glitch in the video every five seconds or so, where he has edited his dialogue and spliced it together.
For the sake of this blog post, I actually went back and re-watched this video, believe it or not. And in doing so, I came to the alarming discovery that it appears as if he actually recorded the video in one shot, then went back and edited out all of his natural pauses. You know, those pauses that we have naturally developed in human speech that are critical for our listeners to be able to understand where one thought ends and another begins.
So as it is, this kid pretty much just continues talking for three long, run-on sentences.
That is, until the very end, when he completely loses it.
Much like the grand finale of a Fourth of July fireworks show, this kid throws together a string of sentences, none of them having to do with each other, and blows them up right in front of our faces. He quickly goes from guns being held to people's heads, to warrants coming out of someone's balls, to standing naked and being looked at, to masturbation, and then finally, at 4:25, to him saying "Wait, what?"
And "wait, what?" is apparently the question that most of the viewers of this video ended up asking:
While that might be a great number of total views, that is an abysmal like/dislike percentage. Even such atrocities as Rebecca Black's Friday had a better ratio. It is bad enough when the Like Bar looks like Darth Vader's lightsaber. But when it doesn't even have enough green for a handle, something is terribly wrong.
At the end of the video (before the atrocious theme-song type outro), he asks his viewers to offer their opinions on the topics that he just talked about.
There are many, many comments, but almost none of them are joining the discussion with their opinions on his talking points. They all just repeatedly bash him.
I almost feel bad for the kid.
But when such an immense and unanimous hatred is aimed at someone, one would think that it is time to stop making videos. Or at least stop publishing them to YouTube.
And that is what annoys me the most about this kid. To this day, unfazed by his 6% approval rating, the kid who calls himself "The Greatest Ever" still continues to taint the internet with his thoughts about movies, entertainment, and the world.
Who is strong enough?
I might have an idea....
I might have an idea....