Thursday, March 22, 2012

TheGr8stEver (WAM!)

What Angers Me! (Where I rant about annoying stuff)

He calls himself "The Greatest Ever."

He is anything but.

See if you can actually make it through the whole video.  And understand that you have my heartfelt apology for asking you to do so:



Where do I start?

First of all, the title of this kid's video is 6 Minute Dark Knight Rises Prologue Intro Attached to Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol in IMAX.

Great.

Just by reading the lengthy title, I have obtained the only useful information presented by the video.

After telling us how annoyed he is to be teased by such a concept, he then goes into a stream-of-consciousness-rant that brings us on a journey from Ashton Kutcher being depressed about social media to police brutality.

Perhaps my favorite part of the diatribe is when he says that Ashton Kutcher says, "Back when the cost of pooblishing was really really high, pooblishers would be very careful about what they pooblished, but now that the cost of pooblishing is really low and with social media giving the voice to pretty much everyone... well now everyone says whateverthefuck they want regardless if this is true or false."  He then goes on to make some illogical argument and call Ashton a "naive, pretentious, douchebag asshole: eating up the words of other people smarter than you and then shitting them out."  

This, from a kid whose YouTube "show" is based upon taking celebrity quotes and news stories and regurgitating them to us, the unwilling listeners, in a manically-paced, illogically-formulated, indecipherable vernacular.

Then he says that social media gives everyone a voice so that we no longer have to listen to the rich and powerful "gatekeepers."

Yep.  Instead we get to listen to him.

Now, I understand if you weren't able to fully stay with him throughout his endless rant.  It's not your fault.  His accent is unfamiliar and his sentence formation is questionable.  Add to that the fact that there is a glitch in the video every five seconds or so, where he has edited his dialogue and spliced it together.

For the sake of this blog post, I actually went back and re-watched this video, believe it or not.  And in doing so, I came to the alarming discovery that it appears as if he actually recorded the video in one shot, then went back and edited out all of his natural pauses.  You know, those pauses that we have naturally developed in human speech that are critical for our listeners to be able to understand where one thought ends and another begins.

So as it is, this kid pretty much just continues talking for three long, run-on sentences.

That is, until the very end, when he completely loses it.

Much like the grand finale of a Fourth of July fireworks show, this kid throws together a string of sentences, none of them having to do with each other, and blows them up right in front of our faces.  He quickly goes from guns being held to people's heads, to warrants coming out of someone's balls, to standing naked and being looked at, to masturbation, and then finally, at 4:25, to him saying "Wait, what?"

And "wait, what?" is apparently the question that most of the viewers of this video ended up asking:


While that might be a great number of total views, that is an abysmal like/dislike percentage.  Even such atrocities as Rebecca Black's Friday had a better ratio.  It is bad enough when the Like Bar looks like Darth Vader's lightsaber.  But when it doesn't even have enough green for a handle, something is terribly wrong.

At the end of the video (before the atrocious theme-song type outro), he asks his viewers to offer their opinions on the topics that he just talked about.

There are many, many comments, but almost none of them are joining the discussion with their opinions on his talking points.  They all just repeatedly bash him.

I almost feel bad for the kid.

But when such an immense and unanimous hatred is aimed at someone, one would think that it is time to stop making videos.  Or at least stop publishing them to YouTube.

And that is what annoys me the most about this kid.  To this day, unfazed by his 6% approval rating, the kid who calls himself "The Greatest Ever" still continues to taint the internet with his thoughts about movies, entertainment, and the world.

Someone must stop him.


But who?  

Who is strong enough?

I might have an idea....




























































































-Youngman Brown


46 comments:

  1. LOL The only thing I got from this is light sabers are cool...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love the Star Wars reference at the end.

    I have to wonder if this guy makes these videos on purpose, just for the sake of trolling viewers. Considering that he spent a good chunk of the video talking about anything BUT what was indicated in the title, the concept of him being a troll isn't too crazy.

    -Barb the French Bean

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You might be right, although many of his other videos didn't receive such a huge amount of hits.

      Delete
  3. He looks like a lifelike blow-up doll with a permanent O-face.

    And an odd accent. Maybe I should fake an accent (I'm thinking swedish) and rant about nothing? I'll make millions!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha yea, I managed to get some pretty nice screenshots.

      You should definitely pursue obtaining a fake accent.

      Delete
  4. OK Game over. Everytime I see you name now I think about THE GAME. Thanks. I'm wanting me some light sabers now....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry to have taken over your brain :(

      Delete
    2. LOL, no you're not. You love it and you know it!!! Game Over...

      Delete
  5. You should have included his picture at the beginning... Or YouTube should have a "are you sure you want to go through this immense pain again?" button in case you click something you have already hated.

    Either way, saw enough. Ugh.

    Love the light sabre analogy. Good work!

    WG
    http://itsmynd.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. I wonder how much he scripted what he was going to say or did he just start rambling and add a few pictures after the fact.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wondered that too. My guess is that he had a basic idea of what he wanted to say, then kept screwing up when he tried actually saying it, thus all the glitch edits.

      Delete
  7. I have to just take your word for it that it was a bad video because, fortunately, I couldn't open it up. The discussion about it was enough for thank you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Spend those six minutes of your life that you saved wisely.

      Delete
    2. *Smiling* I am, I'm reading and posting on you guys' blogs. Speaking of...I lost those six minutes looking at gory photos in WilyGuy's blog, lol. All was not lost after all...

      Delete
  8. I'm still laughing about the light sabers. Sometimes I wonder about the abuse of the 1st amendment.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I watched/listened as I read. I'm glad that there were written words to accompany this deep pool of liquid shit. In writing this, you have made it possible for me to have it playing in the background.

    Giving him one more hit towards his ultimate goal.

    Then he wins earth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He will probably win earth on Dec 21st of this year.

      Delete
  10. He's just a troll. I hope he is not making money off of this garbage. He must have gotten his IQ out of a cereal box.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I doubt he is making money, or else he could have bought something other than a white tshirt and a white backdrop.

      Delete
  11. That is hysterical. I never thought of giving a video a light saber test. LOL!!! Genius!!! I've never seen any of his videos. I'm assuming that this is a good thing. lol hahahah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yea it is important that you don't watch any of his other videos. Unless you desperately hate your free time.

      Delete
  12. Dem cuts...

    This type of editing is pretty standard YouTube practice used to get rid of really long awkward pauses and 'ah's and 'um's but this dude, this dude fucking abuses it.

    I'm just listening now, as I type this comment...the droning, dear god, the droning...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry to have exposed you to the droning.

      Delete
  13. Oh man. Admittedly, I couldn't even make it through the first minute of that idiotic video. Until I read your recap, and then I actually had to go back and watch the guy train wreck even harder. It was worth the time, though now I really wish I could run that fellow through with a light saber for tainting my mind with his cut-film every-five-seconds vidiot blathering. Yowza

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yea it is kinda amazing how many new annoying things you notice upon each viewing.

      Delete
  14. Like the steady drip-drip-drip of water torture in wartime, this cunningly deceptive video succeeded in driving me slowly insane…

    So much so that I became mesmerized as his oddly singsong rambling diatribe blotted out all reality. By the end, the only halfway coherent thought left in my brain screamed out the who-the-hell-cares question “JUST WHAT IN THE HELL KIND OF ACCENT IS THAT?” when, of course, I should have been wholly focused on his message…if he did indeed have one.

    I am now suffering from dreaded water-torture-after-effects and must go to bed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It does get quite tiring when you try to pay attention to what he is saying. Kinda like when you get hit on the head and all you want to do is go to sleep, but someone keeps waking you up so you don't die.

      Delete
  15. I love charlie bit my finger video . That's it :D.
    That bak bak video guy is talking way fast ;(.

    ReplyDelete
  16. You had me at "light saber". Truly a marvelous analogy. And to match it up with that other video - awesome. You have a gift, dude.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If this guy is the dark side of the force, then Charlie is certainly a Jedi.

      Thanks :)

      Delete
  17. I couldn't watch it. I couldn't. The choppiness was making me dizzy and I honestly didn't care about a single word he said. He seemed manic and nonsensical. But he was kinda cute. (What? He was.)

    I laughed out loud at your light sabers.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Completely unrelated comment: did you draw your header? Who's the guy in the trees? I'm intrigued.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My sister drew that portion of my banner. It is something that I asked her to do -- a kind of tribute to Nathanial Hawthorne's "Young Goodman Brown."

      Delete
  19. I got to 1:49 which felt like an endurance challenge.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You probably made it longer than most people who watched! Congrats!

      Delete
  20. Christ, he is an annoying little prick, isn't he?! I'm sorry, I couldn't make it passed 46 seconds. I felt my I.Q. dropping and had to stop it!

    On the lighter side, I became a great-aunt today at 16:24pm! Can't wait to met the little jelly bean, I'll bet she's a heartbreaker! :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Since you haven't written anything in 8 days, does this mean The Game is over?????

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But I have written in the last eight days... including today.

      And no, The Game is never over.

      Delete
    2. I have your page bookmarked what I thought was your Homepage but apparently and I guess it just kept going back to this page. I'm going to subscribe by email so I get the current postings. thanks for replying.

      Delete
  22. Wow, I just reread that comment and I apologize for it sounding so disjointed. I hope you just read between the lines. Its my birthday what can I say. A lot is going on here. lol

    ReplyDelete

When you comment, I vibrate.