Tuesday, May 29, 2012

The Bar That Hates Money

My buddy’s wedding is coming up.  As his best man, it is my duty to plan his bachelor party.

I had to go through this process last summer when I was my other friend’s best man, so I know the drill.  I had a few Philly bars in mind, so I found their websites and sent out a few e-mails.


All of them replied with standard questions.  They asked what dates I had in mind, how big my group was, and how much I was looking to spend in terms of food/drinks -- standard questions from professional event planners.

And then there was Jenn.

This was Jenn’s first response to me, which seemed normal enough:


Michael,

  Thank you for your inquiry.  I am however going to need some further information from you.  What did you have in mind for the party?  Is your group going to be comprised exclusively of men or will there also be women attending?

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Jenn



Despite her lack of commas surrounding the word “however,” this was a fairly standard e-mail.  Somewhat weird that she was asking if there would be any women attending, but whatever.  Maybe that was her way of subtly asking if we were bringing a stripper along*.

*A stripper will definitely not be coming along.


Jenn,

As I mentioned in the e-mail, there will be 10-20 of us (all men), and I was hoping to have a private section for us.  I am willing to pay extra for our own server.

Anywhere in the club would most likely be fine, but we will probably be coming and going to the dance floor, etc.

I’d be happy to come in to discuss menus/prices.

Thanks,
Michael



Later that day, I got this greeting-less e-mail from Jenn:


Thoughts on how to tackle this one?!  Got a response back all 20 people are dudes?!


Two minutes later, I received another e-mail from Jenn:


Micheal,

I apologize, I meant to sent that email to my manager.  Typically we don't do groups of 20 guys.  Did you plan on doing bottle service?  You never responded about what you had in mind for the party.

Thanks,

Jenn


I was flabbergasted.  I was under the impression that I was the target demographic for a bar/club like this.  A best man with a group of twenty young men who are ready to spend money on food and booze seems like it would be a jackpot for them.  It’s not like I was asking an all-you-can-eat buffet if I could bring in 20 homeless dudes to spend the day.

Her surprise at our bachelor party’s staggering male-to-female ratio confused me a bit.  And made me mad.

So I typed up a response:


Jenn,

Sorry.

In hindsight, I suppose that it is a fairly odd request, having all of the guests of a bachelor party being men.  I should have been more forthcoming.


Please accept my withdrawal from using your bar as a potential place for twenty "dudes" to dump a large quantity of money in a night of drunken celebration of our friend as he becomes betrothed to a member of the fairer sex, of which our party is regrettably void.


Please also accept my sincerest apologies for putting you in such a tough situation.  If I were in your shoes, I imagine that I, too, would be at a loss as how to tackle such a situation and would undoubtedly seek the expertise of my manager.


Although, I most likely would have sent it to the correct person.


Additionally, I would have proofread my explanatory/apology e-mail to the customer, ensuring that I spelled his name (which happens to be the most common male name in America) correctly.


Again, I'm sorry for everything.


Sincerely,

Mike (For your benefit, I used this shorter and easier-to-spell nickname)

P.S. If you could be so kind as to accidentally send me the message that you will undoubtedly send to your manager as a result of this e-mail, I would greatly appreciate it.


It felt good to write it.

But then I read it again and decided it was too mean, despite the fact that it was well-deserved.  So I never sent it.

I suppose it could be considered even crueler to publish it on my blog, but whatever.  I didn’t give you the name of the bar.

Plus, I think it is important to speak up. 

Men need to develop the courage to write about the prejudice that we have to endure every day.  I mean, the discrimination that we have to tolerate anytime a group of us goes anywhere is a giant weight that sometimes feels too much to bear.  Historically, men (especially white men) have had it rough.  It has gotten better over the years, but the mistaken e-mail I received from Jenn reveals the pure hatred of men that I still encounter every day from misandrists like her.

I am tired of all of the dirty looks I get when a group of my male friends and I walk into a bar or sporting event together.

I am tired of having to invite girls to go out with me and my friends, just to even out the numbers.

But most of all, I am tired of being verbally abused with the name-calling and derogatory words when people call us a bunch of “dudes,” sometimes right to our faces.

So please, let’s all rise together and squash this intolerance once and for all.

The next time you see a group of “dudes,” just relax and remember that we are people too.  Our country has come a long way, and we have the right to drink and hang out at the bar, even without the accompaniment of women.  There is no need to panic and contact the police or your manager.

But if you do, make sure to use the right e-mail address.

-Youngman Brown

71 comments:

  1. I send a gazillion emails every day, I have yet to get confused between the forward button and the reply button. I'm old and it's been a while, but don't the words "bachelor party" traditionally imply men? As opposed to the "buck and doe" or "stag and doe" which is just a way of laming up a bachelor party with stupid games that shouldn't even be played at a "bridal shower".

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I have never messed up an e-mail either. But a friend has once before, which got me into some trouble.

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    2. My former boss used to find snarky comments I would make in emails intended for his eyes only so funny that he would forward the entire email thread. I think I may have a reputation for being a bit of a bitch at work.

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  2. Who is this Ms. Andry?

    Who knew there were supposed to be non-stripper women in equal proportions to the men at a bachelor party!?
    Next thing you'll tell me that guys secretly long to attend Baby Showers, where apparently the baby is not n attendance to become cleaned in any way?

    WG
    http://itsmynd.com

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    Replies
    1. Ms. Andry is the meanest woman to ever live.

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  3. I feel for you "males" yes as a women I know how we like to snicker as you walk by our small (maybe just 2) group of girls on our "Ladies Night out" How come you guys don't have a "Guys Night OUT" with dollar drinks etc...?? The shame in the unfairness. I like you Good Youngman Brown so I tell you what I have planned for you....it might not happen right away or in time for the bachelor party....but I am starting a petition to make it possible for ALL MEN to be created and treated equal!!! huh?? huh?? OOPS it was already tried and well we have't got that far with it yet :{ Wish you a great time though on the bachelor party I know there will be a bar out there that DOES want yours and the 20 other guys money best of luck Man!

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    Replies
    1. I agree with you. And hopefully one day, the ladies will be buying us drinks.

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  4. YB,

    I don't think you have to worry about that bar staying in business too much longer with stellar events' coordinators like Jenn at the helm.

    And I have a completely irrational fear of hitting the wrong email button. Which is why I am the Queen of Cut and Paste. I paste pieces of old emails into new emails and make a brand new address box. No confusion.

    Although, when I used to work in a hotel a million years ago, I made a negative comment about a hotel guest to one of the managers while I was on the switchboard on a private line.......... you guessed it, I was not on the private line. I was on the line with the GUEST that I was making the comment about. Almost got fired on that one. Learned my lesson: Never talk about someone behind their back, just talk about them directly to their face.

    xxo
    MOV

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    Replies
    1. Haha that is too funny!

      And thanks for your advice on this post :)

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  5. Dude - I would have totally sent the email. And cc'd the manager. And posted it on my blog with the bar's name.

    But then again, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

    Perhaps it's better to be a dude after all?

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    Replies
    1. I never got the manager's e-mail address, though. She sent the mistaken e-mail directly to me and didn't include his e-mail address in it.

      If she had, perhaps I might have had a little fun.

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    2. And don't call me "dude." It is totally offensive.

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  6. Now that's a crazy exchange - I'm glad you didn't send the final email - but don't think there's any issue with posting it here. The thing is, we need our laughs, so it's doing a good thing.

    In my mind bachelor parties are men only no matter what. I didn't know there was an option for females to attend (except for 13 in House but then, she's bi, so it sort of works).

    No matter which way I look at it I can't figure out what freaked her out lol... you've given me something to think about ;-)

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  7. Are you sure you solicited the proper venue? Maybe you accidentally emailed an English Tea Bar, which would explain her confusion over you being all dudes. I'm just sayin...

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    1. You know, now that I think of it, I am pretty sure that it was actually a Day Spa.

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    2. I was wondering the same thing, but I was thinking lesbian bar.

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  8. As a single young woman, this bar sounds like just the place I want to go. It discourages forethinking, responsible, (hopefully) well-off men from spending prolonged amounts of time there, leaving only other scantily clad ladies and scheming losers at the bar with me. I know where I'll be hanging out!

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    Replies
    1. It really does sound like a good spot for ladies.

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  9. LOL!!!!!! You should have sent the e-mail...what she did was totally unprofessional! Besides, I'm all for a group of decent "dudes" walking into a place unaccompanied by females.

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    Replies
    1. Let me know the next time you are at a bar. I will bring some friends.

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  10. As other's have said, I really wish you'd sent that last email - I was hoping to read her reply!

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    Replies
    1. I think it is safe to say that that would have been our final communication.

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  11. Thank you for the morning laugh. I don't understand a bar turning down private service for 20 people. AND WHO HAS FEMALES AT A BACHELOR PARTY? Unless it's strippers.

    As for you not sending the response: a guy on a dating site wrote to me, "Your pretty." I responded, "My pretty what?" And he wrote back, "I don't understand." And I said, "Contractions? Yes, it's obvious you don't understand them." I'm just mean I guess.

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  12. Your drafted response wsn't mean at all. Blunt, yes, but not mean. I'm appalled for you! What is so hard about 10-20 guys going out for a bachelor party?? As for her questions about women, I believe she was poorly trying to ask if it was a joint party. Apparently some people do that (lame). I wasn't aware you guys were followed by a stigma like that. I personally love seeing a large group of guys out together. You'll invariably do/say things that somehow gain the attention of others (me) which I will undoubtedly find funny.

    I'm pro guy groups!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! You are invited to the bachelor party!

      Delete
  13. I don't get why restaurants/bars overreact to these types of inquiries. I've worked at a few restaurants in my day that had private rooms, and every time someone requested to rent out a room, it was like a bomb went off in the kitchen. I don't understand why they couldn't just sit the "dudes" in there with some beer and food. It's not complicated. There's no need to hire a clown or book a live performance by Beyonce. Just leave them in the room and give them drinks.

    Bah, sorry. Anyway, I thought that response e-mail was hilarious, and I don't think it'd be out of line to send it seeing as the woman wasn't helpful at all.

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    1. Thanks Chiz. I mean, all of the other places were basically begging us to come, so I don't understand what this girl's problem was. Perhaps she was new.

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    2. Occam's razor: The explanation requiring the fewest assumptions is most likely to be correct. Ergo, the girl is, quite simply, an idiot. :)

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  14. Hahahahah wow. I think it's nice that you didn't send that email. She probably already feels stupid enough for sending you the message meant for a coworker. That being said, her incompetence definitely lost her bar a lot of money. Womp womp.

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    Replies
    1. Yea, in the end I just couldn't press "send."

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  15. I must agree and say that Jenn handled the situation very poorly. Bad decorum, indeed. Not all bachelor do's are modern, mixed company affairs, there'll be plenty of that after the wedding, thanks! Sometimes, you just want to kick back and hang with your 'okes, hey!

    However, note the commas, I can also understand her apprehension, having been a server at many such an affair and being sexually, verbally and physically assaulted by a bunch of lads with too much ale in them. It was downright terrifying and made worse by the fact that my boss did nothing to defend me and threatened to fire me for defending myself instead. (I kneed two of the guys in the jewels for grabbing my frontal nether regions! Neanderthals!) Still, it does not excuse her distinct lack of tact. A group of guys have every right to hang out and definitely should not be discriminated against, merely because their uncivilized counterparts cannot behave in public. Talk about bad for business!

    I hope you lads find a suitable establishment where you can get your groove on without any dirty looks from management! :) ♥♥♥

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    Replies
    1. We did find a good place, and the festivities are taking place this weekend!

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  16. I, too, would have sent the email along with a copy to her manager. Her manager deserves to know what types of mistakes this woman mistakes with their target demographic = dudes. Who else goes to a bachelor party???

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    1. Man, you all are making me want to send it now!

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  17. Living in a city with a disturbing lack of straight dudes, I would pay YOU a couple hundred dollars and maybe even throw in a lap dance if you'd bring some my way. And it's no wonder Jenn can't spell 'Michael' since she OBVIOUSLY can't spell 'Jen' either.

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    Replies
    1. Haha, I was actually wondering if anyone was going to mention that.

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  18. Man, this is your best post yet. Wish you had sent that email. Would have been legendary.

    Looking forward to all the dirty looks this weekend!

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  19. OMG, that was so hilarious, well for me anyway. I, too, think you should have sent that email, it was a good one. I really hope you find a good place for your party though. As for the large group of males, ha the more the merrier. I got no problem with large groups of men....at all...ever.

    Caio
    Shiels

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    1. We did find a nice place, where we can eat, drink, party, gamble, and then eventually sleep :)

      Delete
  20. I'd of sent it...or complained to her Manager and seen if a discount could have been negotiated. Why on earth wouldn't they want a heap load of business?

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    Replies
    1. Some people just aren't as smart as us, I guess.

      Delete
  21. Being a connoisseur on bachelorette parties, I find this woman's response APPALLING. She obviously is just jealous that someone besides her is getting married.

    Go to Finnegan's Wake in Spring Garden. Always a good time and they'll let you dance on their bar :)

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    Replies
    1. Haha I'm pretty sure I actually looked up that place and they only do bachelorette parties.

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  22. Dude! You totally should have sent that email! Sure it may have been a bit on the cruel side...but it would have made one hell of a blog post! This post is already great, don't get me wrong. But her response to such an email would have been priceless!

    Really though, all dudes at a bachelor party? Unheard of! lmao! That silly woman deserves to get that email!

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    1. I doubt she would have understood the e-mail, let alone respond to it.

      Delete
  23. Recently, I have noticed and brought to The Husband's attention that movies, commercials and lots of books are portraying men like absolute morons. Especially movies like "What to Expect". Quite frankly, it pisses me off. Not all men/dads are incompetent, loose their children, don't know how to change diapers, and so on.

    In that same vain, I find Jenn's e-mail to you insulting and prejudice. I'm sure you and your friends would be happier at a different bar, for sure! Better to find out now, instead of going there and being treated like second class citizens.

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    1. To be honest, a lot of times we are absolute morons. But you are right, many recent movies make us look like we need professional help.

      Delete
  24. PS: I apologize on behalf of Jenn's everywhere. And I threw an award your way. Consider yourself tagged. :)

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  25. Best. Post. Ever. As a woman I want you to know that "Jenn" sucks and does not represent the fairer sex. I like to think that people like Jenn are in their own special group of morons. Unfortunately for all of us they seem to be popping up in the normal population far too often these days. Go away, Jenn. Please, just go the fuck away.

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    1. Couldn't agree more! GO AWAY JENN!!!

      And thanks :)

      Delete
  26. Historically, young white men have always been discriminated against, especially when they have lots of money to spend.

    Personally, I would send a condensed version of the email, but I hope you guys have fun wherever you decide to go!

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  27. Dude I can't...oh shit, I meant "sir", NO, wait, "penised American"? Mr. Gentlehuman, the constant torment of living under the constant oppression and judgement of this matriarchal society can only be alleviated by true heroes like you stepping forth from the shadows to declare, "I am a man, I do not have drapes between my legs but what are drapes without the rod upon which to hang them!?! Respect the rod!"
    Fight the power.
    Oh and Jenn has to be supremely terrible at her job to not only not read your entire email for details but to have to question her manager. But, this is a woman's world so you know she gets paid twice what a man in her position makes.

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    1. This made me legitimately laugh.

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    2. Thank you Pick, that was epic!!!! Drapes without the rod upon which to hang them, *fist in air* Respect the Rod. Hey I always do folks. baawaaa.

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  28. It does seem odd that this would throw them off. I have heard of women going to bachelor parties, but all men is the norm. It would be safe to assume there would be no females unless otherwise noted. Maybe she was foreign and just doesn't know how this works.

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    Replies
    1. But even if she is foreign, she'd still have to be new to the job.

      Delete
  29. I'm glad SDL sent me here!

    Super disappointed you didn't send off the last email though. You were a hero in my eye's for a second there.

    But on another note, I called a guy I met on an online game, a "dude", and he was so offended. He said, "I am not a 'dude', I am a man."
    I had no idea (& this post confirms it) that this was offensive to men. But come to think of it, I don't like being called a 'chick' either. Good Point of view. Thanks

    ps... sorry about the missed placed commas, now I am super paranoid writing this. lol

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    1. For the record, I don't mind being called a dude at all. And no worries about misplaced commas -- I always put way too many commas in my sentences!

      Delete
  30. A bachelor party of JUST dudes? What kind of crap is that? I've never heard of such a thing.

    What the frick? How did you end up responding to the brilliant Jenn? I assume you dudes will not be using that fine venue for your womenless gathering?

    On a side note - I actually know someone named Micheal (yes, spelled that way). It actually hurts my head to write/type that because I have to concentrate so hard to do so.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Just re-read this (yes, I'm a loser) and realized that I forgot to put a "snort" after my first paragraph. Just for anyone who reads my comment and misses the sarcasm.

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  31. I sent you a text to my reaction to the email you should have sent. Seriously, that is ridiculous, clearly this bar does not DESERVE you fantastic gentlemen's business...

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  32. You so should have sent it! I would have wanted to see the response! (you might have gotten an apology from the manager and a discount or something!)

    ReplyDelete

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