Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Being The Best Man

Another one of my friends is biting the dust on Friday.

He is getting married.

This is the first of four weddings that I am attending in the next few months, but the second wedding in a year's time in which I am the best man.

It is an incredible honor to be the best man.  Like, seriously.  When both of them asked me, it made me want to cry. 

But being a best man has responsibilities.  Well, four basic responsibilities.  And if there are more than four, well, then I am a bad best man.  Because you only get these four from me. 

But I do them well.

I have made a list of these responsibilities, starting with the hardest and ending with the easiest.  Though, as it so often happens with me, the easiest stuff always ends up being the hardest.

Here's how it went last summer, when I was the best man for my buddy Brian:

1) Make a speech.

Aside from being nervous about making the actual speech, this one isn't too bad for me.

Making a Best Man Speech is not much different than writing a blog post.  I choose a topic (my friend) and simply go on and on about what I think about this topic and what it means to me (a lot).

And in terms of making a speech, that is all it takes.

2) Plan the bachelor party.

I'm not going to lie, I think that I throw a damn good bachelor party.  The trick to this is having an endless supply of alcohol available to all the men involved at all times.

The problem with this is that having an endless supply of alcohol available to all the men involved at all times can sometimes be expensive.  But always worth it.

The other tricky part is when you are searching for the right venue, and idiot party planners don't want your business.

Last summer, I was still technically a professional poker player living near Atlantic City.  Brian had had many fond memories when he came to visit me in the past, so he wanted to hang out there for his bachelor party.

So that is what we did.  It was a weekend event, culminating at a night-club-meets-sports-bar at the Caesars Pier called Game On.  We had bottle service in our VIP section, and of course felt necessary to invite all the attractive females to come hang out with us and drink for free from our* tab.


Yes.  This is a real thing.
In this respect, we actually struck gold.  You see, the VIP section to our left was occupied by some of the hottest ladies of the Philadelphia Passion.

In case you didn't know, the Philadelphia Passion is a team in the Lingerie Football League.

One of my buddies and I were actually quite good friends with one of the girls, so our reuniting actually ended up bringing the two booths together.  It was a serendipitous event, this merging of parties.

Especially because, at this particular club, there was a mechanical bull.

And hot girls on mechanical bulls is nothing short of awesome.


  1. OK I am SO going to start one of those lingerie leagues here in North Cackalacky. I'll be the old madame owner and have all of my pretty maids gettin' down and dirty.

  2. ANOTHER "to be continued" post?!? Youngman! I have a long enough attention spam (not a type-o) to read the full blog post in it's (yeah, that is just to make you mad there) entirety! So, honestly, you can print the whole thing because I promise that I ... wait-- what were we talking about?


  3. Jesus. I need to broaden my horizons (or start hanging out with you). I had NO idea there was a Lingerie Football League. Wow. Just... wow.

  4. I can relate to your story...minus the Lingerie Football League. I'm with SFM, I need to broaden my horizons...where do I sign up? It's slowed down lately, but over the 4-6 years I was in 8 different weddings and being best man in 3 of them. The bachelor parties weren't that spectacular because the guys who were getting married were pansys and wanted to go golfing or go cart racing or bachelor party was slightly different and I am glad to have had the best man I chose. Aside from bachelor parties, the whole being in the wedding can get costly too...

  5. It would be far too cold in England for a lingerie league!

  6. You're doing great so far, with your duties, that is! Hmmmm... What are your other two? We can guess but we'll have to wait for you to divulge.

  7. Aww what can I say? So sweet that you felt like crying when your friends asked you to be their best man. Just love that! And, considering the lingerie league meet up, I think all guys would salute you as being the king of bachelor parties lol... Also, that was hilarious about hot girls riding mechanical bulls lol

    Really enjoyed this post!

  8. One of the reasons that I support gay marriage is because then my best friend can get married and then I'll get to be a best man.

  9. I totally could see you being an awesome best man. I've been a bridesmaid. I try to step back and let other ladies be the maid of honor. I would be a good one, but I know some ladies are way more in to being the maid of honor than I am.

  10. PLEASE tell me you are NOT wearing a shirt with a giant "BM" on the front, announcing you are the Super-est Bowel Movement Man, able to blow up more toilets before 9 am than most people can blow up in a lifetime?

    Because I married THAT man. And he wants his shirt back.

    Sorry, I'm over-medicated. Again.

  11. I am the best man of an unannounced wedding if that makes any sense. My friend and his long-time girlfriend asked me to be their best man in the future. So, I benefit greatly from this series of posts as I have no idea what a being best man entails. Enlighten me further, oh master.

  12. I bow to the sensei. You are truly the bestest Best Man I've ever heard of. I think you should start a "Best Man" service and get paid for your knowledge.

    AND I feel duty bound to also point out that of course "YOU LOSE". Sorreee

    Aloha nui loa

  13. I've been the maid of honor twice and a bridesmaid another time. There are SO many expenses associated with being a female in a wedding party and more so in being a MOH. If I ever get married (God forbid) I'm renting you out as my man's best man so he can have a good time...cause that sounds like a bachelor party even I'd have wanted to be at. Well done, Sir.

  14. It is starting to sound like you are great at everything you do.

  15. If the ring is really expensive, I think you should say you lost it and then pawn it. That's what I would do, but I'll never be a best man. Nor will they want me in the Lingerie League.


  16. I call BS on the Lingerie Football team. It was really Molly Ringwald and her cougar ex-child star friends drenched in tequila. Not saying there wasn't any action, just that the lingerie was what was tight, not the asses underneath them.

  17. Sounds like you've got a plan, that's always a good first step.

  18. Wow, 4 weddings? Hope there's no funeral! :)

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