Sunday, December 23, 2012

Kitchen Tables, Christmas Trees, & Ornaments

"Oh Christmas Tree, please let me be able to lick myself
once again."

When I moved into my new apartment, one of the harsh realities that I encountered was the fact that I needed furniture.  Like, a lot of it.

Every place that I had rented up until six months ago was furnished, so I never had a reason to buy things like a bed, couch, or bookshelf.  The only piece of furniture I owned was my big screen TV.  And I'm pretty sure that doesn't even count.

The biggest purchase I made -- the one that made me really stop and think -- was my kitchen table.

The moment that you purchase a kitchen table is the moment that you become an adult.  Or at least it was for me.  Sure, I hadn't lived at home for years.  I had fed myself, clothed myself, and provided other necessities for myself, like beer.

But now that I had a kitchen table, I couldn't help but envision a set of handcuffs that linked one of the legs of the table to my ankle.  I now owned all this stuff.  And this stuff tied me down, anchored me.

For better or worse.

A similar kitchen-table moment came the other day, when I purchased my very own Christmas tree.

It was something that I was going to put off this year.  Like so many other things, I kinda just say, "Tomorrow.  Maybe tomorrow I will buy a Christmas tree."  And then tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I just shrug my shoulders and say, "Too late now.  Maybe next year."  Even though I had subconsciously been sabotaging it from the beginning.

Well, Kianwi gave me a reason to buy a Christmas tree.  She made some killer Christmas ornaments and gave them away on her blog.  As if guided by an angel, her dog, Kodi, sniffed out the hot dog that was residing on my plate.

Knowing that a beautiful ornament was on its way to my house, I went out and bought a tree.  Nothing special, just a 4-footer that already has lights.  You know, so that I don't have to put lights on it.  I'm a big fan of putting myself through as little effort as possible, so I figured that I'd just have to open the box and my tree would instantly be ready.

The instructions were pretty simple: Take tree out of box, slide legs into slots at the base of the tree, insert top section into bottom section, and then step back and take an overall look at the tree.

I stepped back and took an overall look:

And then I realized that I had to actually put effort into it.  Or "shape it," as the instructions instructed.

After a bit of "shaping," the tree turned out to be the perfect size, and totally worth it.  I hardly feel like it is tying me down.

Here's a video, documenting the first ornament being placed on my first tree:

Please be sure to note the brown bags on the floor, which have been sitting there since I moved in, just begging to be unpacked.

Anyway, as far as Christmas posts are concerned, that's all I got for ya.

Happy Holidays everybody!  Enjoy some time with your families, and don't forget the adult beverages.  And be safe!

-Youngman Brown


  1. Love this.

    I remember the day I bought my kitchen table. I was 21. Definitely made me feel like a grown-up.

    1. I figured 27 years old is about the right time :)

  2. It's always the kitchen table. It's filled with expectation. You can make do with a bed and sofa, but the table says, "I'm enlightened." Merry Christmas, Brown.

    1. I don't know if I'm enlightened. I barely eat on it and use it more for storage.

  3. Wow, that ornament is amazing!! Whoever made it must be brilliant! Ha ha ;)

    Loved the video. You and Sadie are too cute.

    Merry Christmas!

  4. Shape it?? Who knew? Off to fix my tree now....

    Merry Christmas, Youngman!

  5. I bought my first kitchen table when I was 22. That, combined with a big couch that didn't fold out... I felt like a real adult with adult responsibilities. For example, the responsibility of paying the bill for said table and couch. Who needs food when you can sit at your shiny new table wishing it had food on it?

    Merry Christmas, my friend. I hope it's a good one!

  6. Merry Christmas Mike and Sadie! I hope it's a great one for you two.

    You should have a tree with ONLY reader sent ornaments. I's a thought. I'd send ya one. :D

    Enjoy the holidays and those adult beverages and tell Sadie that Santa is still watching so no licking stitches.

  7. I, too, won a Kianwi ornament, and I treasure it. This year, for the first time ever, I have a tree large enough for all my ornaments. I'm very pleased in spite of being miserable and depressed because it's Christmas, which, of course, is the best time of the year for suicide. Merry Christmas!


  8. You should do more videos. This was great and Kianwi is awesome!

    Congrats on being a real adult with a tree, an ornament and furniture!

  9. I'm still considering your comment that you know you've reached adulthood when you buy a kitchen table. Maybe you're right, as you're usually still a child/adolescent/teenager when you buy your first beer, drive a car for the first time, or lose your virginity.

    Love the unshaped Christmas tree; it wouldn't be out of place in the Wizard of Oz!

    Seasonal greeting to you and your loved ones.

  10. Well congrats on both the kitchen table and Christmas tree purchases. Wishing you a Happy New Year, full of love, laughter and furnishings!

  11. A kitchen table is the most important piece of furniture in the house. Around it gather the people we love in good times and bad. I love Jewels idea - a tree with reader sent ornaments. Do it! I'll send one for sure! This post kind of prompts me to want to collect photos of people's kitchen tables too! If only those tables could talk......hey! that is a great writing prompt! You're so inspirational Youngman!
    P.S. Do you have a brother named Charlie? :)

  12. Damn, why do you have to go all "be safe" on us... The last time I had that tell-tale ring in my wallet was when I still had braces and I have NO idea where I even put that thing.

    Oh...that's not what you were talking about?



  13. Tiny tree is tiny.

    I have a two foot tree. I didn't even pull it out this year, I hung some ornaments on some ornamental sticks. Gay men have ornamental sticks. Deal with it.

  14. I love that it's the ONLY ornament on the tree. I remember buying my first kitchen set too. Big step. I think for me that moment will come when I buy a couch. My current apartment door and hallway will only allow a futon into my space, unless it's a couch in pieces, and well, I don't want that.

    1. Btw... loved that straight out of the box photo. Definitely made me laugh.

  15. Love your ornament hanging ceremony, although your pooch seemed underwhelmed by the moment. I hope 2013 brings you joy and fulfillment.

  16. The woman who eventually became my wife came with most of the furniture one needs to live, so I missed out on some of that, right of passage, stuff.

    I think it's kind of cool that Kianwi's decoration is the only ornament on the tree. It would be sort of neat to add something new every year?

  17. You are so right about the table thing. I never was fortunate (or could afford) a furnished place when I was young. I just slowly gathered pieces of furnature over the years, mostly hand-me-downs or stuff roommates left behind.

    Hope you have a great New Year Mike!


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