Sunday, September 30, 2012

Shot

Today's post is a piece of Flash Fiction that I wrote for the Dude Write September Flash Fiction Contest.

Of the three visual prompts this month, this is the one I decided to use:




I hope you enjoy it.  Weighing in at 356 words, I present to you, "Shot."

*   *   *

There he sat at his table in the pathetic apartment that had become his living quarters.  In front of him sat a shot glass, three-quarters full.

Nothing else.

A door opened and slammed shut, snapping him out of his daze.

He didn't turn to look.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

A Bit of Self-Promotion

Just wanted to let you guys know that while I might not have been updating the blog in the past few weeks, I have been busy with other stuff.

So don't take it personally.

Besides being busy with work and Sadie, I have been branching out a bit with my writing.  I started two screenplays for two very different could-be-films, and I am also attempting to clean out my Word folder and stock up on some blog posts so that I can be on more of a normal blogging schedule.

Something else I did, which is a bit of exciting news: I was included in "All Cracked Up," which is a collection of short stories from your favorite bloggers.


My story is called "Bars, Girls, and Wingmen" and it details some of the reasons why I loathe crowded bars and expensive drinks.

All Cracked Up can be bought here for $2.99.  At the very least, click on the link and check out the lineup of writers who are included.  Many of them are my favorites, and they all brought their top-notch work to this collection.

Also, if you haven't yet seen it, head on over to A Beer for the Shower, where the guys featured my likeness in one of their recent posts called "The Idiot's Guide to Poker."



Like all of their posts, it is hilarious.  But it is even sexier because I make a guest appearance.

If you haven't checked out their blog yet, I am jealous of you because you get to experience it for the first time.  Start with the links posted under "The Best of ABftS."

-Youngman Brown

Monday, September 24, 2012

LOL

When chatting, texting, e-mailing, I have noticed that I say "LOL" quite often.

Of course, I am not actually laughing out loud.  If I laughed out loud to my friend typing the words, “I burnt my meatloaf today,” you would think that there is something wrong with me.  That I have no life, perhaps.  And that simply thinking about my friend burning his dinner packs enough comedic punch for rhythmic, vocalized, expiratory and involuntary actions to escape my throat in laughter.

In reality, we have bastardized this acronym, using it as more of a conversation extender, a cheating response to something that was most likely not that funny.  Or possibly awkward. 

For example, let's pretend Mark just texted Tim, saying "i love rachel and everything, but if I ever cheated on her it would be with that new secretary.  damn shes hawt!"

In response, Tim says, "lol."

The "lol" is inserted as a placeholder before Tim can say "Did you see that pathetic Eagles game today?" 

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

My New Dog (Diapers and The Vet)

If you missed Part I, check it out here.

Day 2: Diapers

Brandon left in the afternoon.

He's not one for goodbyes, and mostly just said, "see you around" as he left, giving the dog a pat on the head.

But after he had walked out the door, she ran to the bottom of the steps, where she pawed at the door and cried for a solid ten minutes.

She's smart, and she knew that he wasn't just leaving for a little while.

While she was crying downstairs, I was crying upstairs as I took inventory of all of the tiny bloodstains that she made on my new carpet every time she sat down and used her bottom like a little rubber stamp.  This was a problem that needed to be solved sooner rather than later.

So I put her in the crate that we bought for her, and made the journey to Petco.

That is where I found Simple Solution Diapers.  They were doggie diapers for females in heat or for puppies with incontinence or excitable urination.  And they even boasted "tail-wagging comfort!

The instructions seemed simple:

Monday, September 10, 2012

My New Dog (Day 1)

You might remember that a few weeks ago, I bought a houseplant.

If you don't maybe this will remind you:


Well I am sorry to tell you that three days after I bought Watson, I returned him.

Now, Watson was a great plant.  And we had some really great times together during those three days.  He didn't do anything wrong. 

But he had to go.
You see, I did a little research and learned that Watson, a Dracaena, was actually toxic to dogs.

Why was this a big deal?

Oh.

Because I got a dog!

Isn't she the cutest?


I've had her for a month now.  I'm sure that I am going to write about her frequently in the future, but for now, here are a few things I wrote down in our first few days together.

Monday, September 3, 2012

The Doppler Billboard

Ever seen those digital billboards?

You know, those billboards on the road that are not the painted signs, but instead an electronic display that toggles through three or four different ad campaigns?


These.
The fact that they exist implies that they are actually a viable money-maker, though I am not sure how.  Apparently the electric bill costs less than it would to actually hire people to paste billboards up there. 

But my God, those things are annoying.

Especially if you are driving at night, when it changes from a black screen to a bright, white glowing rectangle of luminosity.  That flash of change is a very disconcerting moment.  Certainly not appropriate or safe for driving.

That being said, those billboards do get my attention. 

What can I say?  I was raised by the television and video games, so bright lights immediately attract my attention.

And I suppose that is all the advertisers care about, regardless of how safe it is for motorists.

But yesterday I saw an advertisement on a digital billboard that really pissed me off.