Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Genius Idea

I just had a genius idea. 

But when I opened the word processor and began typing the title, "Genius Idea," autocorrect changed it to "Heinous Idea."

Now I'm not so sure.

-Youngman Brown

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Merge

You're stuck in traffic (the really bad kind of traffic).

You're late, of course.  You were already running late when you left, but now you are extremely late (the give-up-worrying-about-it kind of late).

It's not a big deal, really.  Just a family function.  You call them and tell them to start without you, but really the call wasn't so much to inform them as it was to share your plight with someone who might care.  They don't seem to mind, telling you to "drive safely," which should be easy, considering you are cruising at less than 1 mph.  It is the kind of driving that doesn't require the gas pedal, only a hovering foot over the brake.

You get to the point in the road where three lanes become two. 

That's when you see him. With your peripherals.  He enters your life from the right at a blistering 3 MPH, trying to get into the middle lane (yours).

You quickly spring into action, moving your vehicle forward to reduce the space between your front bumper and the rear bumper of the car in front of you. The space shrinks from three feet to a few centimeters.  As you do this, a great number of foul words enter your brain at once, mashing into an unintelligible string of highly offensive names, some of which are actually spoken.

You hate this guy.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Writing is F**king Awesome (feat. Bryan Cranston & Aaron Paul)

First off, if you haven't watched the Breaking Bad series finale, don't watch the following video.  It contains major spoilers, since it shows Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul during their first reading of the final scene of the script.

Also, if you haven't watched any of Breaking Bad in general, then you are missing out.  Go ahead and start from the beginning of Season 1 and come back.  I'll be waiting.  And honestly, once you start, nothing much will get in your way as you have no choice but to plow through the seasons.

Okay, now watch this:



Awesome, right?

You can tell that they are taking in the words slowly and thoughtfully, the way one might eat a delicious filet mignon, not wanting the act of consumption to end.  They know the words are finite, that the story which they have devoted the past half-decade of their lives is about to end, yet they have to read on to find out what happens.